i need to get my act together and stop being so selfish tbh, i feel like i’ve just had an epiphany or something idk

when you love someone you do what you can to make them happy and to make things work. i haven’t been doing that and i hadn’t even realised until today. i need to be better, i need to stop being so self centered and so down and just who i’ve been over the last few weeks

i’m trying to sort my life out and i’m trying to be better but i’ve been doing it the wrong way and i haven’t been the girl my bf fell in love with. i’m still that girl deep down, i just need to get over myself and stop being such a bitch all the time

i love my boyfriend so much and i’m not going to let myself ruin this relationship and ruin him

time to get my shit together

sitting in bf’s bathroom crying bc i’m pathetic lmao

i feel like shit and have been feeling like shit all day omfg i just want to be happy again

just hold me like you said you would and tell me that you want me here and that you love me

i caught a train and walked so far to get to my bf’s in the fucking sun with jeans on. my friend gave me a lift to the station and i was gonna put shorts on in his car but i forgot them omfg

so i just got here and i feel like i’m gonna pass out, i’ve semi pulled a muscle or something in my leg and my head feels like it’s going to explode

also feeling i shouldn’t be here and that i’m just not wanted tbh. i don’t know what to do but i feel like shit lmao

seriously why does this always happen to me. i make plans with people and then they fucking change my mind right as i’m basically walking out the door so i just end up feeling alone, unwanted and worthless for the rest of the fucking day

i hate everything bye

i love being unwanted lmao bye

having a rly bad body image/ed day already and i’ve only been awake for like 2 hours. i feel like shit and i look so horrible and fat

i have this thing where if there’s like the smallest scratch, cut, bite, pimple, whatever on my face and body, i ~have to pick it. it’s a compulsion i’ve had for about 8 years now and my whole face and body is covered in scars from it. it’s gotten to the point where even when i’m out ((with family, friends, my bf, anyone)) i pick my skin until i bleed. everyday i spend up to hours in front of the mirror just picking my skin. when i’m sitting down watching movies or talking to people or even eating, i pick until i bleed. i self harmed a few weeks ago when i was sectioned and i still have the cuts on my wrist bc i just can’t help but pick them, when normally they would’ve healed after a week or so

it’s so fucking embarrassing going out and being covered in big and small wounds literally all over my body. i’m even so fucking self conscious when i’m with my bf. so many times he’s told me to stop picking and whenever my parents catch me they tell me to stop and i end up yelling at them

sometimes i don’t even realise i’m doing it. but i ~need~ to do it, thx ocd. i hate my body and i hate my skin and this is something i struggle with more than my ed tbh. i’ve never gotten help with it before and i don’t think i ever will. i just ~need~ to do it, and i fucking hate that

idk i needed to vent about that lol

so all day i’ve basically been feeling like absolute shit, physically and mentally

i feel so unwell. since i got up this morning i’ve had a really bad headache that just won’t go away, my whole body’s been aching all day, i’ve nearly thrown up and passed out a few times. and i’ve been coughing up blood again oops, oh well lmao

oh and i thought i’d actually put on a little bit of weight, but the other day mum mentioned how “small” and “thin” i’m looking and i fucking hate when she comments on my weight bc she’s lying every time. but it turns out i have actually lost weight recently which doesn’t surprise me bc ngl, i’ve been restricting a lot more. w/e idec it’s not enough and i’m still fucking obese and disgusting

the tutor who runs the course i’m starting next week ((omfg one week away help)) called me today and i’m going in a couple of days early to get familiar with my surroundings. kind of like an intro to the course. so when i get there i’ll see my mentor/case worker and we’ll talk for a bit, then the tutor will tell me all about the course, what to expect in each class ((its only a few hours one day a week)) and an outline of the course. when he called he said he wants to do this with me in the hopes that it’ll lessen my anxiety and help me become familiar with the building, people and studying again ((all massive triggers for me))

i’m really anxious obvs but also kind of excited tbh. snaps for jess!!

wow this was a lot longer than it was meant to be lol bye

omfg i’m so bored and i think bf forgot me again lol

i’m feeling very lonely and unwanted and i just want to sleep tbh

the “seen” thing on facebook makes me sad tbh

so i woke up early again and the first thing i did was fight with mum about something that was her fault. now i have a massive headache and i’m so fucking tired, i feel like shit and i can’t even get back to sleep now omfg

i just want to curl up in bed with my bf tbh

trust me to over analyse something that probably doesn’t mean anything right as i’m falling asleep. i’m so good at ruining my own happy feels, now i just feel insecure and sad tbh

good one jess lmao

pretty nice day tbh

i went to bf’s and we watched airheads and dazed & confused and cuddled all afternoon. it was lovely and i love lazy days with him

i’m super tired now tho, i have a serious energy problem and even when i sleep for like 12-14 hours ((aka a normal day for me)) i always feel so exhausted. just going out for half an hour leaves me physically drained. even if i eat more than i normally would, every single day i’m fucking dead and i have no energy at all. over it tbh

w/e i’ve been in a good mood all day yay :))

Anonymous asked: How old are you?

18, i turn 19 in october

Neko