i went to a family friends 10th birthday party today running on 4 hours sleep and i’m fucking exhausted

it was at a park and this adorable little boy and his younger sister wanted to play with me so they held my hands and we chased birds away lol then i took them to the play equipment and they had so much fun and it made me happy :)) and then their mum came over and picked the little girl up and omfg she started crying bc she wanted to stay with me aw aw aw

anyways i got home, had a nap, and woke up feeling absolutely awful. i’m so nauseous i can’t even look at food without nearly throwing up. and i’m so bloated i legit look pregnant jfc

i slept through 6 alarms and now i have less than an hour before i go out omfg itS TOO EARLY

posi mood is basically gone, i’m sick and feel awful and my voice is gone, and i need to be up in 4 hours lmao kill me bye

oh my god i’m so happy right now

so i kinda like one of my new painkillers ((haven’t tried the other one yet)) but they make me feel really weird, like sick but not sick at the same time

they also make me kinda high and super spaced out lmao but so far they seem to be working yay

cute story from tonight omfg i died

when i was in the drs waiting room there was this cute lil girl who was sitting near me. she kept smiling at me so naturally i smiled back and she was so happy. then she pulls out a book and a pen and starts drawing something. she kept looking up at me every few seconds and then her book kinda fell to the side a bit so i saw what she was drawing and omfg she was drAWING ME??!?!!? how fucking cute like omg???

she saw me looking and started blushing and stuff omg it was adorable and she was so shy that she ended up putting her book away but omfg she was drawing me and i think that’s so sweet

it honestly made my week and made me so happy :)))

so i saw my doctor tonight and basically i have a viral infection thing so i need to take meds that help my immune system. and he also gave me 2 different painkillers ((and new????? like none of the dozens of drs i’ve seen had never even mentioned these ones before)) that i’ve never tried before and that are specifically for nerve damage/pain

i’m really anxious tho bc he said i need to start weaning myself off my normal painkillers and just to see how i go on the new ones. i seriously hope they work and i don’t want to stop taking my normal ones bc i’m comfortable taking them and i know they work

tonight my mum also told me she thinks i have an addiction to my painkillers. that kind of hurt bc she’s been implying that i do for months now but she’s never actually said “you are dependent on painkillers which is why i want you to stop taking them so much”. it just really freaked me out bc my friends have implied that i have an addiction and the only other person who’s actually said i’m addicted is my ex.. ((which also really hurt but it was just like a slap in the face when my mum told me))

idk where i’m going with this but i just needed to actually get that out. maybe i do have a problem???? i’ll never admit it and maybe i’m in denial which is ironic bc all addicts say they don’t have a problem when in reality they do. i just can’t apply that logic to myself and its all kinda scary

so yeah just thought i’d post a lil update ok bye

i’m finally seeing my doctor and atm i’m sitting in the waiting room feeling like i’m going to pass out. and my vision’s gone really weird and i just feel so awful omfg

i have a temperature and i feel like i’m dying omfg why is being sick so exhausting. kill me

i’m so ill i can’t even stand without collapsing and i feel like i’m dying jfc help

Anonymous said: Why doesn't your immune system work?

my haemoglobin / blood count is super low from a chronic illness/disease ((i have coeliac disease but there’s like a 90% chance its from something else, we just don’t know what it is yet))

so yeah my body can’t fight off anything and i feel like shit everyday

the worst part about having a basically non existent immune system is the fact that i don’t know when i’m actually sick anymore bc i’m so used to it. everyday i feel like shit, i have no energy, i’m always exhausted, i can’t get out of bed most days etc

but its so mf annoying when i catch every virus and infection possible, and i don’t realise i’m actually sick until it gets really bad bc i’m just used to it

like i’ve been feeling really awful for a couple of weeks and i just thought it was my body hating me like always. but no, i wake up feeling like i’ve been hit by a train. i haven’t felt this sick in months and i think i might actually cough up a lung soon. so yay i get to go to my fave place ((heavy sarcasm)) and get more tests done and probs be put on more meds bc i feel like i’m dying

i’m pretty sure i only have the flu but i’m just not coping v well with it all and i wish i had a normal immune system that actually fought off shit instead of inviting it

idk rant over give me a new body pls

don’t you just love those conversations that make you feel like absolute shit / invisible / like you’re nothing and make you doubt everything?????? bc i really don’t tbh

i feel like shit and i’m so exhausted and mentally drained omfg

i’m a fucking idiot wow